What is Emotional Intensity and How to Embrace It with Imi Lo

Have you ever been told you’re emotionally
intense that your emotional intensity makes you too sensitive or that you
feel things too strongly worse yet, have you ever been made to feel that
this is a weakness as opposed to potentially being strength?
Today’s guest, Imi Lo, has been told this her entire
life. After growing up, being emotionally neglected, bullied, and coping through
various eating disorders, she knew there had to be a different way, so she embraced her love of art along
with her passion for psychology and became an art therapist. Today she’s devoted her life’s work
to helping others put their emotional intensity to good use. In this interview, you’ll hear Imi inspirational life
story as well as her journey on how she learned to embrace her own emotional
intensity. By the end of it, you’ll know how to determine
if you yourself are
emotionally intense, and if so, how do you use that intensity
to become a great leader? [inaudible] I’m Corrie Lo Giudiceguidance and I’m
a life and business coach who helps survivors find purpose through leading
emotionally fulfilling lives and businesses. I absolutely love sharing stories on
this show from survivors themselves who have used their experience and are
now helping others through the same challenges. Imi Story
is no exception to this. If you appreciate stories
like I’m about to share today, definitely be sure to take a quick
pause right now and hit subscribe. That way it will be updated the
next time a new episode. Hairs. Now let’s dive into this show. You mean
Lowe is a specialist, psychotherapist, art therapist and author. Her mission is to inspire emotionally
intense individuals to rise up amongst the myspace and become leaders. Imi is also not of the belief
that forgiveness is necessary. You’re interested in hearing
more on her thoughts on this? Definitely be sure to listen
through to the end of this episode. I’m so excited to have Imi share her
inspirational story with you today and now it’s time for the story to begin. Welcome to the Corey Lo show. I am so excited to have on the call today
and I forgot to ask you this before. Do you say your name? Is it Imi? Yes, and it’s [inaudible].
No, funny enough. Emilo so just like Corrie Lo we
got Imi Lo on the call today. Exactly. Cell therapy. Thank you
so much for joining us today. Uh, she’s joining us time, London. Um, how’s the weather over
in London right now? It’s my kind of why though.
Rainy and a little bit miserable. I always joke that, you know, I was born
in Hong Kong, which we might get in, you know, we might come to light sir. And before I was in London I was actually
in Australia and I often say that I didn’t come to London for the sun
and I actually really liked the rain. Oh Wow. It’s funny, it’s, I
was actually in London, um, just this past February for the very
first time. Absolutely loved it. And it was so funny cause while we were
there we had the most unseasonably warm weather. It was middle of February
and it was like 65, 70 and sunny. And everybody we met them were like, yeah, you brought this nice weather
with you. We don’t have this. Yeah. I think people here get very
excited when the sun is out. Um, I live quite close to Hyde Park at the
moment and it’s often very crowded with people doing picnics and
just enjoying the sun. Oh, nice. Sounds great. It’s, it’s, yeah, it’s like that right now here in New York, but within the next month it’s going
to get absolutely miserable, uh, with the humidity and
it’ll like hit a hundred. So I’m trying to enjoy that weather
now while we can write. Alrighty. So Amy, the way that we usually always start
off this show as I like to ask how your childhood was like, could you walk our viewers through
what that experience was for you? Sure. It’s not, it’s going
to be an easy walk. Um, how should I describe my
childhood? I would think it’s, um, quietly turbulent in the sense that I
think I was really quite sad and lonely. Um, I was a very intense
and sensitive child. I’ve always felt things that really
intensely and I thought was everyone wants to say but clearly knows
and I was very sensitive. I think I was just very
intense for everyone around me, including home and school
at home. Unfortunately, my parents, they both had
some mental health struggles. They were quite preoccupied
when I was younger. My mother had depression and my father
had been through a lot in his own life. Uh, lots of trauma. I would
say he carried. So as a result, they probably had very little
emotional capacity to hold a, and um, I remember it being
quite some unpredictable. So maybe one day everything would be
calm and fine, but all of a sudden, um, I couldn’t predict the
weather from the inept. We were talking about the
weather, the weather at home. Um, and in school I was quite
heavily bullied. Um, I w I went through grow skull and looking
back I think it was probably because I was just a little, oh, I was always
very honest, almost radically, outrageously honest and adults and
other people just don’t like that. Um, then I thought that it was
because I was fat. So because of that, I also have developed lots, very
healthy relationship with food. Um, in a nutshell, I think
it was relatively lonely. I’ve made books and truth, my best friends rather
than people in pals. Um, but I come through. Um,
yeah, I mean, to be honest, I was actually very loved. My
parents very much loved me. I hadn’t grandfather when to lots
to me and we were quite close. Um, but I didn’t feel enough.
Um, might be because I, I need a lot. I was very sensitive. I’ve
needed lots of emotional ins, foods, the inputs and the attention.
And I didn’t get that. So I grew up feeling quite unseen and
I think my parents were just struggling with quite a lot. And I suppose it will
be fine for all the other children, but I’m one of those who
see and feel everything. So even nothing was spoken, I still seem to have absorbed quite a
loss of the Stan happiness or the things that they were worried about. Yeah. So as a child, you know, feeling
like that as you know, as a child, feeling like that and you know, needing
that additional love and support, you know, and your, your family
in or your parents, you know, I should say not being capable, you know, not that they didn’t express it or not
that they didn’t love you, but not being, you know, in a place that they can provide
that for you. How did you, you know, fill that as a child? How did you cope? Yeah, I mean to just to be honest, it was, I, I was just thrown out a lot of negative
stuff, but it wasn’t all negative. Um, I think a lot of the problem with that
pain was that it was invisible and the under surface, I came from a normal
family. They were still married, we were not rich, but we were not
in poverty either. So it was unseen. And I think because it was invisible,
I didn’t validate it myself. I thought it was something wrong with
me and no one would understand that. And they really did love me.
You know, they try their best. They come back from a long day of work
and they tried to play games with me. Um, so yeah, I’m going to answer
your question, but I also
feel like, oh, hang on. That wasn’t very balanced. Oh sure. Yeah. Yeah. So they do love me. I suppose s I see in a lot of my current
clients who are also very emotionally intense and were born quite
different. That was the disconnect. I think me and my parents
are just very different. And I was born in Hong Kong and for the
first 16 years of my life I lived that, but I never felt it was home. So I’ve always felt like an alien
in the land without knowing why. Um, so to answer your question,
how do I cope with it? I escaped into the world of books.
I would go to libraries and I would, I remember having to, um, borrow the library cards from my parents
and I would hold a stack of 20 books each week and I would before them,
I would read five books a day. I hide into my imaginary, well,
you know, this, cope with it. And I also used to fit,
which obviously wasn’t ideal, but when I look back without
these devices to help me cope, I probably wouldn’t have survived a
very lonely and difficult childhood. Um, especially I think the school was probably worse than my home phone
than it seemed that it was really tough to be bullied all those years. Yeah. Yeah. And that’s such a
common thing. I’ve had many, many guests on the show who have shared
a very similar experience to you in that aspect, you know, when it comes
to the bullying and you know, the encounters at school and stuff.
Yeah. So how did, how did, um, you know, things progress for you as you
transitioned from childhood, you know, and to your teenage years? Yeah, it was making it
even more tough, as I said, both very intense and
I couldn’t explain how. I think I was just blind quite
differently. For example, I would think about that every day.
And I know that’s not uncommon, but children’s, I was really quite obsessed and I was
imagining my parents not being here and everyone, I love not
being there every day. Um, I was quite obsessively
anxious. Um, and you know, teenage crushes were
quite normal at that age, but it fell up strong, powerful infatuations where to the
point where I couldn’t eat and the, and I had been so mia every
night. Um, I had one law, two that friends who supported me,
which really was the saving grace. Um, but I think my relationship with
eating and my self esteem went mmm. Even worse in a sense that I was even
more lonely and I was even more volatile. Um, I have used art a
lot to express myself. I’ve always been quite imaginative
and creative using arts. I was able to express a, lots of
the things I shouldn’t in words. Um, so I started writing and drawing
as an outlet when I was a teenager. Oh, nice. I did the same. So like I grew up in a very
emotionally repressive household, so no one talked about their
feelings if any kind of disease. It was kind of like a suck it up buttercup
kind of environment. So from a very, very young age, I did, I was drawing
painter, I was a musician. Um, I played the hello, you know, as a kid,
but I express my feelings, you know, I can absolutely verbalize it, but I
could very, very easily express it, you know, through, through drawing and
use it slightly. Yeah. Yeah. So how did, how did that progress from there for you? So I have wanted to be an
artist all my early life. Um, when I was 16, I thought, okay, that’s
it. I have to escape from this home. I think intuitively I
felt if I didn’t sleep, um, I wouldn’t be able to
survive. It was that strong. So I made my parents send me
to art school in Australia, very rational and it was very expensive,
but I really wanted to do that. So I went to Australia
and I went to Melbourne. It is a beautiful city
and it means a lot to me. I this creative art school there and I
was saying I had probably the happiest three years, two years of my life in Melbourne
that wasn’t sustainable. I think on some level I knew it was an
escape on the way from my family forever. I had really bad relationships with my
parents and I knew back then that being in Melbourne was a way of escaping. But I believe with this
kind of trauma, you know, the childhood trauma of being on your own, having a strange relationship
with your family, it’s not one that can be evaded
no matter how far you run away. You know, even when I was in Melbourne,
I was still feeling the pain, so I knew I had to go
back. So I made a plan. Well, in a way to having that
break for the three years, it probably help give you
some perspective that, okay, this isn’t something I can run away
from. I’m going to have to deal with it. And maybe mentally prepared you
to be able to do that. I mean, how does that play out? Yeah, it’s the Mo. Until now in my thirties I can still
say that that is the most painful, the system in my life ever. And
until now, from time to time, I still think of that patch in
Melbourne and I grieve it. Um, thoughts, some, sorry, I
missed your question, Huh? Oh No, it’s okay. No, I
was saying as far as, um, it was more of an observation
than a question that, you know, having that break in the
perspective that I kind of did. Sometimes you don’t realize the breadth
of the situation that you’re in until you can remove yourself
from it. And you know, if it goes away then
that’s one thing, you know, it was like something kind of like
minor, but if it’s still there, even after you’ve had some
time detached from it, it’s something you have to
address. Like you had said so. So, and I also wanted to ask too,
so while you were in Melbourne, was this during your high
school years? Was this college? Um, post high school and before college. So I went to the University of Melbourne
and I did creative arts for one year and then I had to leave. I had to leave
after a year because my body wasn’t, I was heading mystically happy
in a sense that, but then my, my eating was out of control. I was never officially diagnosed with
an eating disorder while I had a really bad relationship with the of
shame and low self esteem, um, and the teenage angsty. Sure. So it was out of control
my life in Melbourne. Um, and I knew, I think it’s interesting you say that
because it wasn’t like I thought about it and it was cognitively consonants
that okay, this isn’t working. I have to go back. It’s more like a
bodily feeling despite how painful it was. That was the only thing
I could have done. Yeah. So I went back to home call
and I did you need that. And I did something very practical as a
stepping stone and I’ve always knew that that was a stepping stone. And a funny thing was I did have
two on my shoulder that these arts, a r t s a possibly s the of
belonging to ask when I leave, when I left out. [inaudible] okay. Pain by having to leave. It’s unstable.
Are you still there? I’m here, yes. Yeah. So I was just trying to
say it was a hard decision, but it was the only thing
I could have done. Yeah. Right. So, so you leave Melbourne, you’re
back in Hong Kong, you know, you’re, you’re going through, you know, um, how did you word it that you were
looking into a profession that was like temporary instead as
like a stepping stone? It was, it was social work that
I did and I think it was, it was horrible. We, I, I, my
heart wasn’t really fully in it. Um, then I already knew I wants
to become an art therapist. And the other thing about up
school, it’s not something about, it felt quite unfulfilling for me. I think to me when I went to art school, it was a little too
theoretical critique. Um, it’s about the theory of
articulation is Wilson’s what I want. So I wanted something more humanistic,
something more meaningful. So my, I, you know, I was already thinking about something
like art therapy where I can combine my strong interest in psychology with art
and can they give me any meaningful. So I’m not surface now. And
I’m very glad that I am. Oh Wow. That’s great. So I mean, it’s interesting you mentioned
your interest in psychology. So at what point during your
life did that interest start to, Huh? Percolate for you? Yeah, I think
when I was wearing it. So you know, those 20 books, there’s a sex of
book that I had when I was a child. A lot of them were already
self-help and psychology books. I think I was always looking for answers. I remember reading books on the end of
gram or the personality type policies when I was as young as 12. I read
this, that’s a pretty deep reading. I know I was reading the highly successful
seven habits of highly effective people and it was realist.
So, but that’s my, that’s how I sort of bring myself out. It’s from my convinced to somewhere to
transport myself to somewhere far in the future or in another country. Um,
so, and then when I was in Melbourne, I read the loss of Freud, um, and was very inspired and really wanted
to incorporate that in my future life. So I went back to Hong Kong and I did
social work and then I got a scholarship to do us therapy back in
Australia. Oh, wonderful. How are you using the art therapy now to help people? MMM, on therapy if see a lot
of people including, yeah, a lot of people are quite strong. The
ties by their art teacher in school. So when I mentioned, ah, they
go, no, no, I can’t draw. All I could do is a six [inaudible]
I can’t do anything pretty. And that is a common misconception and I
think this actually taps into something quite deep, um, in people where they are quite swooned
at for their creative expressions. So nowadays I’m coming up with
a lot of very creative ways. I was trying to help people to
speak to imageries without, um, uh, while I was five passing their
fear. For example. I will see, I would use some things like photos. I would ask people just like
pictures from the iPhone. I would use visualization techniques.
A lot of these can be done online. A lot of my clients are in the
states. So a lots of people go, how can we do arts therapy when
you’re just online? But you can, because the definition of art is really
broad and people have their own way of creative expressions. So
it might just be, you know, for the next week take 10 pictures
of things that emotionally me you, that is a form of art therapy. See and it’s a really good way of warming
people up. So expressing themselves. Oh my goodness, I couldn’t agree
with you more. It’s, you know, I think a lot of people get hung up
that they think that art is just like drawing and painting in sculpture and
the traditional stuff where like art, the creation of something that you
bring into this world and just the, the painting and the drawing and stuff
or just the tools that you use to [inaudible] and to this actual
environment. So that makes so much sense. You can use stick figures, you can use
symbols and lines. Just make some marks. Just play. So many of us
have forgotten how to play. Right. You know, and
you had mentioned too, you know that it was a coping method,
a mechanism for you as a child. So even as a child where you’re doing a
lot of drawing and painting and stuff in the same manner that like a flow or were
you a little more reserved than as a child and you’ve learned to kind of, okay, good question. Um hmm. Let me think. I did a lot of drawings but not painting. I think again in Hong Kong as well, the
education system is very much about, okay, you have to do things a certain way. You have to draw these pictures and you’re
never allowed to color outside of the line. And if you do, I
remember I was very, very, very bad at art all through my childhood
and that was actually quite painful because I’ve always felt, I love art. I was reading fan goal when I was like
nine years old and then my teacher would always give me a d or an e for my art
because I wasn’t doing what they wanted me to do. I wasn’t creating
something pretty. Yeah. But I did a lot of writing at home
and lots of writing and scribbling, creating stories in my mind and I
would call that creative. Right. It’s interesting to hear
your experience, you know, when you were a child in arts,
you know, in your art classes, what you described. Exactly. It was one of the reasons that turned me
off to becoming a professional artist. Cause I actually went to do an
art school for university. I did, I went to the Maryland. Hey, that’s
a really good one. It really, yeah, it’s a really good one in the sense on
the surface it’s got a lot of, yeah, yeah. No, it’s a very, very well known
school and I was lucky to be accepted. And it’s funny, I joke with everybody
now when they asked me, you know, what my degree is in, I tell them that I have a very expensive
paper piece of paper that says I could draw well. Um, but yeah, one of the things that really turned me
off through the entire experience was art is such a subjective
thing. [inaudible] and to have, not so much the professors,
you know, critiquing your work, but to have the students critiquing your
work and really they’re not the ones that are creating it and
everything is subjective. So on a regular basis you’re bombarded
with all these messages saying that your work isn’t necessarily good enough, but really it shouldn’t matter to
anybody but the creator. So I mean, it, it didn’t really add up to me. And then
by the time I graduated I was like, I really don’t want anything to do with
this because even if I was to become a professional, I would be
dealing with the same thing. Um, but for the purposes that you’re speaking
of right now, you know, in terms of, you know, being able to, you know, emotionally express things and to just
have an outlet for your creativity, I’m starting to get more involved with
it now know, almost late thirties. Um, then I had, since I graduated
in my very early twenties, and it’s nice to be here,
but I’ve had to kind of, um, push away all those self limiting beliefs
that I absorbed through my college experience, which fun out of it.
Everything that I love to put the tiles, you know, then it just kind of got ruined for me
so I can understand it’s coming from the opposite end of it, you know, since
you know, you are in a cha, you know, our child, you know, and that was in
like grade and high school and whatever, having a similar experience. So I
definitely relate to that. Yes. Yes, for sure. Yeah. Yeah. So how did you decide to focus your
practice on working with emotionally intensive people? Hmm, let me think. Um, I think an
obvious reason would be that I, I feel a lot of myself in
many of them, not all of them. And I understand a lot of the
struggle of being intense. I mean, in a way I couldn’t find anything
online that says emotionally incense. I pretty much created the word. Um, it’s very much overlaps with
highly sensitive people, which is a concept, creates a Phi and a docile called
[inaudible] and he’s just a psychologist. I don’t think she’s a medical
doctor, but Elaine Aron. Um, so yeah, I mean initially it is because I see a
lot of myself in them and I understand the struggle. Um, sometimes I work with younger women
and I really feel like they’re my soul sisters or they’re younger than
me. And there’s something really, obviously it’s not a
profession that I do for me to. Lots of my personal experience is in
that and it makes me good at my job. Um, so all my life, I’ve searched for this answer and when
I was only, it was only when I was 24, I realized actually intensity is
very much related to giftedness. Now even I hate, I don’t hate it, but
I know it is a very low that word. And very much like ours
when people came to, what if they run the miles a Windsor?
No, you must be joking. And so that I, and so I understand that
it’s a very loaded word. Um, most people think if it means high IQ
or being very high achieving in school whilst it is associated
with IQ and not always, um, a lot of very talented and creative people
who might not be very good at school. Um, I also very intense and
I would call them gifted. It is really more about their drive,
their natural backstop emotions, their complexity. Um, the
excitability is, is the word offer, excise it over excited abilities,
his official word for it. So I found that and it was a
real revelation for me. Um, and it makes me think it is
actually really, really meaningful. If I could help all these if to yes. Sad and shame people who are somehow
being forced or pushed to the margins of society and feel like they
had been misfits for rise. I created this slogan last year called
from misfits to leaders because I genuinely believe, you know, that
there’s a treasure chest in that. Um, and even in the, in a lot of the work out, down as a self help work or
self-help world or in the Internet, it seems to have this. Um, I see a gap in that in the
sense of sensitive people
very often that or rate as being too fragile for the world. [inaudible] but in my work
I see quite the opposite. And that lots of these
people have intensity, they have passion and they have a
lots of work to do in the world. Some really wants to help them rise. Right. Well, I mean, you know,
speaking about, you know, people in their talents and
how it’s a gift. I mean, you’re so true when you think about
all of the most revered, you know, artists and musicians and you
know, the most famous ones, they are very emotionally
passionate people that channel, um, you know, what they’re feeling and
experiencing through their work. So I love you’re, you know, from misfits to liters because that’s
the true that if given the right channel. Yeah. Or that, you know, intense feeling, you can inspire people around the world. So I love giving people this kind of
like outlet and teaching them how to use it. Yeah. And lots of the people that I work
with, I am quite emotionally intense. Even now, you know, a little thing that happened with trigger
a whole of feelings and it takes me a long time to calm down. Um,
[inaudible] people, I work with them, not just emotion and intense,
they are all around intense. They can be physically quite intense. They fidget a lot and
they can be imaginary, um, intense and yeah, so it’s
the whole package. Sure. And I often liken people I work with,
with, um, can though in the coal mine, I don’t know if you’ve heard of that
expression [inaudible] where in the old days, um, yeah, it’s relatively
new to me. So in the old days, um, the minus coal miners, they would send these first
sport canneries into the
unknown pits and if they stopped singing and they’d die, um, the miners would know that the pits
of Pepsi and they will stay away. It’s not a very nice thing to have. Stat illustrates the idea that
sensitive people are intense people. They can smell the problems in the world. It’s if they’re the first to take
the hits. So, and because of that, they’re quite uniquely
positioned to scratch this
itch that they cannot scratch. We just to be the change they want to be. It’ll be the game changer to
be the truth teller. Wow. Yes. That’s my mission statement. As
I’m thinking through this now, I think there may be a lot of viewers
and listeners out there who may actually fit this model that you’re speaking
of, but may not even be aware of it. What are some, what are some signs that people can look
for to know whether or not they would be emotionally intense? All right. You can see a very thorough list
in [inaudible] show therapy. Don’t come up. Of course. I was going to
say a little bit more so out here, um, people who have got a lot of complexity
in that and drive from the get go. People who feel as a stream of
emotions on the day to day basis from, from the highest to the lows and they
seem to feel it all together. Um, the feelings are so powerful that some
of them feel that they can be out of control. But on the flip
side, emotionally intense, people are incredibly
moved by art and music. They would cry very easily and they
would just give them this pope or the vibration when they are touched. Um, it usually quite excitable and
passionate. Um, they laugh a lot. Uh, sometimes they feel like they have
sought a lots of other people’s energies. Yeah. I mean that’s a very popular
chunk coming up called the n puffs. It’s got a lot of, um, social
media attention lately. Um, it’s very much similar to that in a sense
that they feel things very true with differently. Yeah. And they
fall, you might feel it, they might feel migraine headaches, they might have a panic attack sometimes
a few things that they, not them, um, they might be able to pick up a lot of
new ones in a social situation and that person hate that person. That person has
a good relationship with that person. That person sends, he’s that person.
So they see lots of things and they, it can be quite as overwhelmed by crowds
because they see an [inaudible] so much. Um, they might be very driven.
They might have existential anxiety, lots of them feel that they have got all
these big things that they need to do and there’s never enough time, um, they think about life and death and
loneliness and a lot of them probably get like no, still misdiagnosed with some kind of
mental disorder like bipolar or depression and sciency [inaudible] very
interesting. They might, yeah, they might find it quite difficult to
find people to have in depth conversation about interactions with them. So actually a lot of them do resorts to
artists and expression because that’s where they find their tribe. That’s
where they feel connection. Right. Okay, that makes a lot of sense. Thank you
for sharing. Yeah. So for you know, people that fit this kind
of like definition that
you’ve described before and you’d mentioned earlier, you know,
talking about even yourself personally, knowing what to do when you feel,
you know, excited or you know, like elevated or trigger. What are some things that people can do to maybe level
out [inaudible] apps that you provide? Yeah, yeah. I mean there are lots of
things. Just to add to that list. I mean, I mentioned some of the very,
um, psychological thing, but even on the physical level, a lot of intense people
have things like allergies. They have quite sensitive bodies. I have really sensitive bodies and really
sensitive hearing and certain clothes I need to be very smooth and I
always have to take the tack off. So little things like that. A trait that, funny enough overlap with intensity
as well as to your question. Um, I think people need to root
to rise. I have another phrase, but you know, I often say from feelings is thriving
one needs to heal first before they could thrive. Um, we are often very reactive to events and
things around us because we carry quite so lots of trauma. If something on the surface seems
trivial by actually deep down, however unconsciously trigger
something really deep. Um, I know for myself that when my building
go through construction as it is going through now, um, I feel personally victimized like
a helpless child on some level. So I have an adult’s me and
I have a little girl in me
and the adults meet needs to talk to the little girl me and say,
hey, it’s alright this on the past, don’t panic for the little
girl. Me would be like, oh no, this is exactly the same as the bullied
in school. I have to hide in that soil. Let’s eat my lunch. That
makes so much sense. So lots of the work that I would do with
people is to allow the one that’s part of them to be heard and seen and heal, and they have to tell the stories and to
reinforce a stronger at those parts of them to take the lead so they
can be their own best parents. Even if they had not had best parents, they can be their own best friend
even when world misunderstands them. Oh Wow. How beautiful. So it’s all last year you’re teaching
people how to parent and heal their inner child. Yes. You know, and
get their, their inner child, the support that they
didn’t have growing up. Wow. Exactly. Yeah. Because to me that on lots of strategies
we can teach to help with emotional regulation. Um, you know, from counting from 10 to zero when you
feel like you about to burst out putting your hands in cold water. Uh, practicing mindfulness of my experiences
when we do the eat the healing, um, it is a lot more powerful
than the strategies that, um, it’s, it’s like firefighting. If we only do the strategies
without healing the deeper stuff. That’s so true. I’d like
to describe it as, um, it’s Kinda like putting
a bandaid on amputation. Yeah, good one. I might steal that one. Um, it’s, you know, if you don’t
heal the core root of the issue, it’s just going to constantly reappear
on a regular basis throughout your life and it’s gonna impact
certain aspects of your life. So it’s just much better to kind of rip
the bandaid off and deal with it and process it fully and experience it fully
to learn what’s meant to be learned of it so that you can then take
those teachings with you
through the rest of your life. Absolutely. Yeah. And I think
that’s what happens to me. I went from one device to another. I went from foods escaping to work. I tried to pile on the lots of accolades
and I’ll have this certificate, that certificate, that
means I’m a good person. That means I will be accepted in the
world when actually none of that really solved the issue. If deep down I feel
like I don’t belong in the world. Right. You know, so it’s
better to, as a figure, okay, well why don’t I feel like I belong
and what can I do to heal that trauma, that inner child. So that
18 like a long, you know, taking full of the situation yourself. Absolutely. I’d be defined belonging
as for myself. I find my tribe. Yeah. So many people I don’t think
realize that you have control over this. I know that you’re the one that sets
the rules and it’s not your outside environment and it’s not what people
outside of you are telling you. It’s what you tell yourself and your
inner child, you know, as she’s had. And that’s the narrative that you carry
with you through your entire life. And ultimately you are the one that
decided that at a young age and you’re the one that can decide differently. Yes. Know as an adult. Yeah. And people on that sway because they
carry a lot of trauma for the first 10 years of their life. They have been
conditioned to feel that they are caged and not allowed to get angry because
if they get angry that parents will get angry back at them and they ended
up going to really help us position. So they have ambitions. If this own
these feelings. We live in the Whoa, where we are by and large emotional,
we’re fearful of authentic, authentic emotions. Right. Which is a shame. I hope
to change that one day, you know, through the show and having more
people talk about what their trauma is, what they went through. Just
getting it out there and settled. I love the ethos of your show. I was
really drawn to it. And then they’ll, you interview people with trauma
and you know, as I said before, they have a lots of gifts. [inaudible] yeah, no. And I think, uh, I am of
the personal belief that every thing, every challenge that we encounter is
meant to teach us something so that, that we can then help other people, you know, that have gone through the
same thing to make things easier. So not so many people have that challenge. Right. So, you know, instead
of viewing your trauma as you know, a setback. Yeah. I’d like people to view it
instead as this is an opportunity. This is something I can feel personal
growth and helping others while healing myself. Love it. Love it. And
that is what I believe. I mean, I’m not religious, but that is what I believe
spirituality is about. It’s about, um, I’ll share something with you. I’ve
got time. I can’t really, I’ve still, I talked to on my arm, I say I’m a fancy, which is the Latin for
be a lover of your face. Almost sound a bit. The feets. It’s like,
oh, you just surrender to your faith. But actually it means, it means
working with what you have. God’s working with the faith and what
you have goals rather than fighting against it. Right. That is at the core of a lot of
healing and growth, which is okay, this is the reality. I would learn to love the reality
rather than trying to bend it. Right. The pain comes
through the resistance or the
current situation instead of releasing yourself to the situation, accepting what’s happened and then
learning how to move forward. So yeah. Yeah. Beautiful Way to put
it. Just like you said, I think in the beginning of
the session of the interview, I’m so used to saying session, sometimes you need to release it
for it to work. Right, exactly. Cool. Well, can you tell us a little
bit about your book? I know, yeah. I do have a book. It’s called emotional sensitivity and
intensity and it’s so much about what I’m talking about in the book. I will talk about how do we move from
healing to thriving. I have a chapter, it’s very much written for emotionally
sensitive and intense people. Um, I wrote it because as I said, I’m very passionate about helping
people roots to rise. I love the people. I love the audience I’m
talking to. I love my readers. They are the people who see the shoes
left the truth. They have great passion, they have lots of empathy and love.
And I really want them to see that. So in the book I started to talking about
childhood wounds and how we can heal from our childhood wounds to get rid of
a lot of the shame that we carry about being the little athlete buckling
without realizing that you actually shot swollen. Um, I talk about neuro diversity where we
want people spraying divide differently and up. We as a society benefits
from celebrating differences. Um, let’s talk about
how the Friday at work, how to get over the feeling
that you never belong. Um, and I talk about creativity and how
to unleash your creative potential. Um, uh, lit. I also touched on how
the things that we discussed just now. You know, when it comes to
creative and [inaudible]. Um, the only way to both drive ourself, Matt, is to understand that it’s
not us that’s doing it. We collaborating with universe.
Um, we’re doing it for, to serve the like that I
touch on in the book, any, in the end of each chapter, there will be some kind of activity or
reflection prompts for people to put things into action and to
consolidates that insights. I’m very proud of the Burke. I mean, it’s probably the biggest
achievements of my life so far. I, since it’s published, it’s published
in 29th, 2018 so last year, I guess a lot of emails with, from people telling me it has changed
their life and it has touched them deeply. And I feel like I haven’t written New
York Times bestseller and it probably will never be us. It touches my tribe. It touches a small group of people
[inaudible] rather than a lot of people on the emotional level.
And I’m happy with that. I would love to pass a small group of
people deeply and those are my people. Yeah. And help them find each other. Well, I’m definitely gonna make sure that we
link to your book in the show notes. So if people are interested so
your tribe can find you, you know, through my time. Um, so thank
you for sharing on your book. Um, so how else are you using your
past experiences to help others? Today we talked about your book, we talked about the art therapy kind of
projects and stuff. Are you involved in? Hmm. I thought I’d bring it back a
little bit more to my own experience. I think how much trauma
has made me on the very, almost an easy answer to how much Roma
has made me would probably be okay. Empathy. I have a deep connection with people
who have been through similar things, invisible trauma, who have parents who are not really
emotionally available fully to them, intense children. And obviously I’ve
built my work around it as a therapist, but the deepest, deeper
answer I feel is love. I think my experience has really
why then my capacity to love, to forgive, you know, to understand
is to forgive for French thing, goes on to forgive, is to
love. I think after 10, 10 plus years after being very suicidal
when I was a teenager trying to escape from home, I can today genuinely say I
integrates my love and my hate, my anger and my grasses shoots to what’s
my parents and my family and everyone. So I began to see the world and
everyone, that’s who they are. No one is hurting me. People
are doing themselves. Um, and I, I own my path. Yes. My
childhood was not happy, but I can love that as a part of
my story too. And the caveat is, yeah, yeah. So you own, you own your story instead
of being defined by your story. Yeah. Yeah. I own it. And
yes, I’m not defined by it. I make something else of it. A caveat is
I don’t believe everyone needs to frog. I think there are in many cases
where people not ready for that, always never appropriate. So I’m not going to impose that on
everyone to say you need to do this work. My next question I was going to ask you
about forgiveness. So please continue. Yeah. I think, you know, I, in my row, I hear lots of horrific stories and I get
quite legitimately angry with a lot of things I’ve had. I believe some
people should go to jail for it. So I don’t impose this idea of
forgiveness on everyone. And I think when people have been through really bad experience or trauma, a big step
that we often bypass is grieving. When we say grieve, we often think
of things that we had in the past. But in this case, I think we can also, we have something we never
had know the happy childhood, normal family, the fitting in, um, the social life in
school. We never had it. And sometimes we need to breathe and come
to terms with our reality to move on. Yeah. So I think today, up
until today, my experience, biggest gift of my experiences,
I’ve come to terms with who I am, who everyone around me and I stop
trying to bend reality to fit my needs. Well, sad. Hmm. So for everybody out there that’s
currently watching or listening right now, who has gone through similar experiences
to you, you know, turbulent childhood, um, you know, eating disorders, you
know, any kind of like suicidal ideation, what would you want them to
know now being, having gone? Yeah, I feel things, I
suppose. Um, number one, I love, my stats are more fatsy
learns you and brace. And I think this applies also
as if who you are as a person, not just what happens to you. So some people have no choice but
to walk an unconventional path. And I say to them, if you are given this package of having
a CS passion or having a very fast brain of being very perceptive
to feel things so deeply, then you almost have no choice but to
make something out of it. You know, if he was trying to suppress it,
you would feel existentially guilty. You feel depressed, you feel
restless. So in other words, you need to be your own champion
even when no one is championing you. When you take your unconventional
path, when you are in natural, this fit in society or family, you
need to be your own best cheerleader. Hmm. Love your faith and love you are and
make the best out of what you have rather than trying to change it or pretend to
be something you’re not [inaudible]. And I suppose also to validate your pain. Just because it’s invisible
doesn’t mean it’s not there. Sure. Is that sometimes some yeah, go on. No, I was going to say
so a question on that. So I know you know your
thoughts on forgiveness. So for a lot of people I think sometimes
they internalize that pain because they feel some kind of a guilt for putting
themselves in the position that they were in. You know, for like I know for myself like after
I was in an abusive marriage and when I got out of it, I put a lot of blame on myself for
putting up with it for as long as I did. So what are your thoughts on not yet forgiveness for other people
but forgiving yourself? That is a really, really
hard one. And to be honest, I’m still working on it myself. Um, I believe and sometimes we
need to practice to believe
that at any given moment we are absolutely doing the best we
can. Sometimes it doesn’t look that way. Even today, up until now, I still
everyday, oh I have messed up, I should’ve done this, I should have
done that. But actually every Gig, every given moments, we
are doing the best we can. We are not ready to leave an abusive
relationship until we are ready to, right. Yeah. No really a kit. We
needed to take the time. We need it in order to find
out in all those mixed show, you know, to test it to destruction
as much surface as safe. We need to do that. And there were
no any other way. So stop thinking. But there’s an imaginary parallel in
the verse where we could do better. There isn’t, we are the best version
of ourselves at any given moment. Right. I couldn’t agree more. And what a great way to to end our
conversation today. Thank you so much Amy. I’m sorry. Can everybody
find you online? Right. So I have a website which is
probably the most comprehensive um, place. It’s, that’d be
the B though, the three [email protected] So there’s
that, there’s a Facebook page, I think it’s Facebook
slash I need to come from, but I think it’s they just
slash eggshell therapy. Um, I think if you search sham therapy you
will be able to find a lots and the book emotional sensitive, the intensity. Perfect. All right, well I will definitely be sure to link
to all of the above that we just talked about in the show notes today. And I want to thank you so much for
joining me today and for this incredible conversation you’ve provided so
much value to my audience and uh, to everybody who stumbles
across this show. And I just really want to let you
know how, how grateful I am for that. Thank you so much. Your show is
really wonderful and you know, you are one of those people who are
doing big things in the world and being authentic to who you are and
using your own experience, your brilliance role model. Thank you so much. So happy to have connected with you on here.
Absolutely. And there you have it. If you take anything from my
conversation with Amy today, I really hope it’s the following. I absolutely loved how Amy phrase her
core belief as bringing people from misfits to leaders. So many people
who feel emotionally intense, feel like an outcast, feel
like they’re left out, but really they’re one in the same
with all the other misfits or other emotionally intense people out there
who are the same as themselves. And it’s using these gifts that they’re
able to actually rise as leaders because they are truly gifts to be able
to feel as intensely as you can. I also loved her analogy
of canaries in coal mine. So the fact that emotionally
intense people are usually the very, very first to sense bad things before
they happen is really quite a gift when it comes to leadership because you need to
have that kind of anticipation in order to be able to guide people to where
they’re going to need to go in order to survive. So I thought that was an
awesome analogy. I really bought that. I also thought her term from
root to rise was very impacting, at least for me, that it’s so, so important to heal first
before you can thrive. So you really have to root down and do
the the hard work and do the healing in order for you to rise as the
leader that you’re meant to become. I also thought it was a really wonderful
way to teach people that you have to learn how to parent your inner child. For everyone out there that had a rough
child that didn’t get the support and love that they wanted, it doesn’t mean that you can’t source
that today from within yourself. So I thought we were really, really beautiful way to put this type
of loving care into words to parent your inner child. I absolutely loved it. The Latin phrase that she
shared and more Bali, uh, be the lover of your face
because it’s the truth. When we really learn how to love
and embrace what’s meant for us, it relieves so much pressure and so
much anxiety and life becomes a much, much more enjoyable. I thought that was
a super beautiful phrase. And lastly, not everyone needs to forgive. If forgiveness isn’t in your cards and
it’s not something that you want to do, that’s up to you, you’re the
one that makes that choice. So no matter what you read or hear
anywhere within the self-help world, if forgiving does not feel right
to you, that’s within your right. You don’t have to do it. Are you
emotionally intense? And if so, I’d love to know what your key
takeaway was from this episode. Definitely be sure to leave a comment
or tag me on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter, and I just may feature your comments on
a future episode or posts ready to hear even more inspirational interviews
like this one. Visit my website, and sign
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