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Season 8, Chapter 5 – Fourth and Twenty | Red vs. Blue


(Blarg) CABOOSE: Get away! Bad aliens! CABOOSE: Shoo aliens, shoo! CABOOSE: Rolled up newspaper! TUCKER: Maybe you should have thought about that before you lost their all powerful deity. CABOOSE: I didn’t lose him, he left! CABOOSE: Or maybe he lost himself. Or maybe the reds took him! CABOOSE: I don’t kn- CABOOSE: Ow, stop that! TUCKER: Well, until the reds come back, they need somebody to blame. Better you than me, man. CABOOSE: Tucker, help me! TUCKER: Yeah dude, I don’t know. I don’t really want to get in between an angry mob and their religious iconography. TUCKER: And I should know, I used to date an Italian girl. CABOOSE: But he’s not really a god, it’s all made up! You know that. (Confused blarg) TUCKER: Whoa, dude, I don’t know shit. That sounds like straight up blasphemy. TUCKER: Are you guys going to put up with this shit? (Blarg) TUCKER: I know dude, that’s what I’m saying. Took the blarg right out of my mouth. CABOOSE: Tucker, they’re going to eat me! TUCKER: Caboose, shut the fuck up, they’re not going to eat you. TUCKER: They’re just going to persecute you and kill you, stop being such a baby. CABOOSE: Look! The reds! They’re back, and they have your worshippy guy! TUCKER: What, Sarge? SARGE: Hey blue, we’re back. Got Simmons too. SARGE: Where’s the water can? Oh, also, you got any more spare jeeps around here? SARGE: I don’t want to get into it, but we’ve identified a tactical weakness in the hood of the current models. SARGE: So uh, what are you guys doin’? Killin’ Caboose? SARGE: That’s cool. CABOOSE: There he is! He is the one who took Church! CABOOSE: Get him. (Blarg) SARGE: Ruh-roh. GRIF: How’s floaty McGee? SIMMONS: Eh, you know. Same old. Still not working. GRIF: Is he dead? SIMMONS: How the fuck would I know? And even if he was, would it make a difference with this guy? GRIF: Meh, probably not. SIMMONS: And now he’s got sand all in his ports. How am I supposed to fix him in an environment like this? GRIF: Sounds like you have sand in your ports. SIMMONS: Why did we even come here, it’s a fucking desert! GRIF: I don’t know, this is where we were before we came to get you. GRIF: And where else can we go anyway? GRIF: There’s bad guys at our base, and Sarge never wants us to get far from the blues. GRIF: I don’t know if you’ve noticed this Simmons, but he’s a little obsessed. GRIF: He still wants us to get ’em back in the database so we can kill ’em. GRIF: How’s that going by the way? GRIF: Any progress? SIMMONS: Progress? GRIF: It’s your project. SIMMONS: I was held captive! GRIF: Whatever, dude. GRIF: If Sarge takes that as an excuse for not getting work done, let me know. GRIF: I’ll get captured all the time. SARGE: Nope, they’re right around this corner up here! SARGE: Grif and Simmons! SARGE: Right up here! Where we’re walking! GRIF: Uh oh, here he comes. You’re about to get busted! SARGE: And you’ll see when we get around this corner up here, we don’t have any kind of floating device! SARGE: No balls or spheres or anything! SIMMONS: Who’s he talking to? SARGE: You’ll see, big group of aliens! We don’t have anything like that at all! GRIF: What? Uh oh. CHURCH: What? Where am I? GRIF: Shhh, dude shut up! Be quiet! CHURCH: No, what.. GRIF: Shut your hole! CHURCH: What’s happening? How did I get here? GRIF: Oh, shit. Uh, uh, uhhh… CHURCH: Don’t do it you fucker! (Fades as Church flies away) SIMMONS: What the-? What are you doing?! GRIF: Shut up man, be cool. SIMMONS: Be cool? (Blarg) SIMMONS: Whoa! SIMMONS: I mean, what’s the 411 daddios? SIMMONS: Me and my homie were just, hanging all up in here. SIMMNOS: Deserts feel? It’s all good. You know what I’m sayin’ Skrillas? GRIF: What the fuck are you doing? SIMMONS: You told me to be cool! GRIF: Right, so what the fuck are you doing? SARGE: As you can see, we don’t have your stupid rolley balogna! SARGE: It’s just this yellow guy, and MC Fonzarillo over here. SIMMONS: Whatevs ya’ll, you don’t know me. TUCKER: Ah ha ha, I gotcha. See, I knew they would have it. CABOOSE: Uhhh… I don’t see him. CABOOSE: Oh my god, he’s invisible! TUCKER: Alright reds, what did you do with- SARGE: Book it! SARGE: Quadruple time! TUCKER: -it? Dammit, I should have seen that coming. TUCKER: Well, Caboose, I guess we’re on our- Own. Dammit. (Blarg?) TUCKER: Alright, I’ll just go get up on top of the pillar. GRIF: Uh oh. SARGE: Grif, what are you stopping for? Ah nuts. SIMMONS: What? There he is! CABOOSE: Oh no! He landed in the middle of the, uh, of the, of the there. CABOOSE: The, uh, the over there. SIMMONS: So, lets get him. GRIF: Yeah, tell you what Simmons, why don’t you go get him. SARGE: We’ll secure the area here while you retrieve! SIMMONS: (Sighs) Okay, I don’t have time for this. (Explosion) SIMMONS: OW! SIMMONS: You knew, didn’t you? CABOOSE: Yeah, kinda. [SUBSCRIBE!]

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