Season 7, Chapter 1 – Don’t Get Me Started | Red vs. Blue

Season 7, Chapter 1 – Don’t Get Me Started | Red vs. Blue

[Smooth Guitar music] [Sarge]:Attention blue team! This is the red team! We are here to destroy you! Your long reign of being the shittiest team around is about to come to a sudden and cataclysmic end! We will give you a few moments to suck in the horror of this announcement… …and then return for your reaction. Be right back! He he… Alright, that ought to scare the berjeezers out of ’em. [Simmons]Actually Sir, since it’s just one of them over there… [Grif]:And the one is an idiot. [Simmons]:…I don’t really see the point in the psychological warfare. [Sarge]:You’re right, Simmons. It’s not really accurate to refer to one person as a team. What’s better? Blue person? Blue man? Bluetoniun? [Simmons]:What I meant was- [Sarge:]Bluetard! [Simmons]:What I meant was, I don’t see the point in announcing to him that we’re gonna attack. Why don’t we just do it? [Sarge]:There’s an order to this, Simmons. We can’t abandon protocol just ’cause we have an advantige We have to give him a chance to see the errors of his blue ways! To lay down his arms, and meet as his fellow men at the table of peace. Where we can work together towards a better world. A world that’s better, because we poisoned his food at that table, and stabbed him in the eye with the fork. And taken all his stuff. (Awkward….} Dibs on the computers! Noted! Now watch that base. Tell me if anything changes. Yes Sir! And Sir? Yes Simmons? I just wanna say, I’m glad I was here to see you on your day of victory. It’s been a long time coming! Yes it has, hasn’t it? My skills as a leader have really taken us far. It must have been quiiiite an honor to serve with me. Ahh… Okay, glad we had this talk. Are you glad I’m here too, Sarge? Of course I am! I knew it! I just- The squad’s kill-death ratio is the most important measurement when evaluating sergeants. If you had died, that would have hurt my numbers! *sniff* Glad I could help! It’s critical to keep a little padding in our stats. That way if we’re far enough ahead, I can stab Grif in the face, and still stay in the lead! You know, I’m standing right here. Right where I want you! Within face-stabbing range! [Radio tune-in] Lopez! How are those vehicle repairs coming? Got an ETA? As long as I get it ASAP! ‘Cause I need it PDQ! Lopez, you’re a regular RFR! Really fast robot. Grif! Make it up in the acronym journal! Simmons! Status report! Still just one blue, Sir. Lopez! Status report! Hey blue! Don’t think we’ve forgotten about ya! Still gonna kill ya any second! Count on it! Sarge, have you thought this invasion all the way through? Of course I have! We beat the blues, we win, you suck. That’s the whole way through. Ah, and who do we fight then? We fight!… …Other blues! But what if no more blues come? I mean they haven’t sent for reinforcements yet, what if they never do? Why would you want more blues? Well, we have this new base and all this new equipment. Who else are we gonna test it on? Who cares? The war would be over! Oh, great! You’re suggesting we DON’T attack them? Grif, that’s borderline traitorism! I think the word you’re looking for is treason, Sir. Never mind Sarge, I was wrong. If the war’s over and we win, well that’s just great! Of course it would be! I mean, no more early morning runs? No more training exercises? Why would we need to do any of that stuff, right? We won! Riiiiiight… And all this new equipment, we could just let it all fall into disrepair! I mean we don’t need it! We won’t even need to test it! Because we’re winning! We’re about to make it all obsolete! [ noises] And just think about this, Sarge! No more boring staff meetings! EVER! [ Noises] Uh-huh uh-huh. Hey blue! There’s ah, going to be a slight delay in your destruction. Hang tight! Maybe I should call our new command. They’ll tell us what we should do. Yeah, the old one was so great, the new one’s gotta be even better. [Radio tune-in] Command, come in command! This is Blood Gulch Outpost- wait, I mean… Simmons! What’s the name of this place again? Valhalla. A Vahhal-gut-jangle-call it.. Thingy. Outpost number one! Do you read? Come in? I need advisement on what to do about blue team! What are you doing? What do you mean what am I doing? We have one enemy here! We can milk this for years! No, blue team! BLLLUUUEEE! If we beat them, command will just send us to some new base where we have to fight a real team! So? So? Do you want to fight one shitty enemy, or five real enemies? B L U E Blue! Try lookin’ under “Suck It” You want me to help you subtract 1 from 5? I know that’s tough for you. Shut Up. Hey guys. What are you doing here? Gust getting parts of the crashed ship. What are you guys up to? We’re deciding weather or not to kill you and wipe out your team forever. Ah. Sad stuff. We’re kind of split on the decision right now. Do I get a vote? No, get back to your base! Stop wandering around during your defeat! It’s confusing! Oh, okay! Sorry! And what are you workin’ on? Still not telling you! Hello? Hello? Hello! They hung up on me! Why? They said they didn’t even have record of a blue team! Nothin’ on blues at all in their computer system! Oh. Ooooohhhhh. What? We deleted them, remember? From command’s computers! We wiped them out! We did? Yeah! Don’t you remember? Oooooohhhhh right. Simmons! Execute the Hypotners initiative! And delete the blues! Done! The blues now never existed! I also upgraded your pay scale while I was at it. Well deserved! Yeah! We win! [Boom! Click-click] Blargh! I am dead! But that’s okay, I don’t deserve to enjoy victory. My life has meant nothing. What a great day! Simmons! Transform to motorcycle mode! [Simmons doing a bad impression of the Transformers transforming sound] BEEP-BEEP! Let’s get outta here! [Mongoose noises] Ye-hawwwwwwwwwww!!!! That’s not what happened! Of course it is! Then how am I still alive? I ask myself that question everyday… Motosimmons! Run him over! Greetings fellow web-surfer! Be sure to subscribe to our channel before you go! …………….It’ll be just like we’re friends! Not that I need friends… *subtle laugh* Please don’t go! D:

Comments (100)

  1. Caboose: (Sigh) Man, I wish I was on the Red team. Don't you Jenkins.

    Jenkins: Absolutely.

  2. what happened to Vic after season 5

  3. What the fuck happened to sister?

  4. So Sarge pictured himself riding Simmons, huh ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)?

  5. Blues and reds fight a dinosaur like animal

  6. "B L U E. Try looking under suck it." I lost it. XD

  7. it was at this moment I realized caboose was a technical genius

  8. But the blues don't even exist

  9. So, third time watching RvB through in anticipation for season 14, and I've always wondered why Sarge called them ATVs when he first built one from spare Jeep/Warthog parts, then he (everyone) suddenly started calling them motorcycles.

  10. +4:23 I'm pretty sure Grif said "We can milk this for years"

  11. Every few seasons, rvb moves away from complicated storylines to make a more comedy based season. That's why this is my favorite season. Plus, it's directed by Gavinofree

  12. the alpha is dead

  13. Holy shit, that last part was hilarious.

  14. Ya, through back intro song

  15. Why are they still fighting the blues? I thought they figured out the war was for freelancer training.

  16. Caboose is a bluetard

  17. and delete the blues

  18. Did I uh, did I miss something? I kinda skipped Season 6.

  19. sarge really has been in the army for too long. he now dreams of literally riding Simmons into happily ever after as soon as he is done shooting a round on grifs face.
    Tucker: "bao chika baowao"

  20. so after the fall of project freelancer, the UNSC just continued to fund and operate the simulation trooper program? I mean, I guess they could train their own guys. but we never see it

  21. within face-stabbing range

  22. Simmons: What I meant was—–
    Sarge: Bluetard?
    Simmons: What I meant was…

  23. Sarge is actually a lot smarter than he makes himself, and he also is quite good to evryone tbh. Only reason he makes up the radio call w command when they nolonger exsist is to make their lives still seem like they have a purpouse.

    This is the best show I have ever watched, and I have watched some seriusly good stuff like How I meet your mother, Game of Thrones, the office, etc. None of them get me as emotional as this show.

  24. what the intro song?

  25. bluetard. oh sarge you are the best!

  26. Does it surprise anyone that Gavin came up of the storyline for this season

  27. So, what happened to church

  28. I will named my son caboose

  29. What happened to Donut.

  30. ajjaja el López no le entiende

  31. "Blue. B-L-U-E. Try looking under 'suck it'."

  32. 5:45 Simmons doing a bad impression of the Transformers transforming sound
    Finally, a Transformers reference, my life is now complete XD.

  33. Sarge "rode" Simmons

  34. [Smooth Guitar Music]

  35. Finally, bluetard. Or redtard

  36. Moto-Simmims run im over
    classic sarge

  37. great, can you do more videos?

  38. The fricking sound simmons made when he turned into a motorcycle killed me

  39. How the hell can they understand Lopez now?

  40. I love how Sarge just learned Spanish instead of fixing Lopez

  41. #TeamBlue=like

  42. How did Caboose survive the fall

  43. "Grif, that's borderline traitorism!"

  44. Wait I am confused. Why are they still fighting? Wash already told them there was no war.

  45. transformers reference

  46. I feel bad for Caboose…he's all alone

  47. Borderline traitorism

  48. 1:34 – So, the plan is to basically subject Caboose to a "Red Wedding"… I'm not gonna lie, I didn't realize the pun until I finished typing that.

  49. If church is actually gone I fucking quite

  50. It's official Grif is actually the smartest in the Red team

  51. I wish the newer seasons were like season ten. Leave the fights in the flashbacks, while the Reds and blues hang out in a box canyon, going on misadventures.

  52. This is getting interesting ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

  53. how has Grif forgotten about his sister?

  54. blue team: exists
    sarge: fuck we're under attack

  55. The seasons between the awesomeness of Reconstruction and The Chorus Trilogy were kind of underwhelming. Except for the CGI freelancer fights. Those were badass.

  56. How stupid can Sarge get?

  57. We need more Motorsimmons

  58. I think this is all Sarge has at this point in his life. I'm rewatching the whole series again and i gotta say Sarge is probably one of the more complicated characters in the sense that he wants to act like a soldier from the action movies but never actually die in battle or wanting the battle to end. Pretty much all glory and no real guts when it comes down to it. I mean even after learning the Red Vs Blue thing is fake in the last season, he's willing to hold onto that delusion so he can avoid going home, i mean hell he was willing to defy orders to stay in bloodgulch pretending to try and kill Sister to avoid going home.


  60. what happend to the yellow girl on blues team…………..

  61. I’m a mother fucking goast

  62. Who ever disliked these vids deserves a wet sock

  63. I hate how they skip over the Relocated segment. I mean it’s only like 4 episodes and explains why Donut is passed out next to the base. That and it’s freakin hilarious!


  65. There's an order to this Simmons, an ORDER

  66. Lopez has tought me Spanish

  67. "Taken all his stuff…" -Sarge

    Karma has never been so much unforgivable in Season 10.

  68. Sadly they don't make any more intros ='(

  69. What happened to donut?

  70. Wait I just realised…..where is donut??

  71. i feel bad for caboose

  72. I remember the ship that Tex was in being bigger

  73. s Simmons needs to be a real character in Transformers.

  74. 5:32
    Gif: Yeah we win.
    gets shot by Sarge
    Blargh! I am dead!

  75. Ah, yes, back to the gold old episode style, where there's no episode plot and it's just a bunch of dumbasses standing around and discussing stupid stuff in the funniest way possible

  76. The 39 who dislike.. What's with the hate

    #Team Blue = Like
    #Team Red = reply
    Freelancer/Doc = Dislike

  77. You talkin mad shit for someone in face stabbing distance


  79. 5:45

    Pewdiepie when he’s chopping down wood

  80. "motosimmons"… I would love to see some Easter egg vehicle in the upcoming games 😉

  81. I’ll be honest caboose probably has eaten poisoned food before

  82. Bruh it’s genkins

  83. 1:20 the funniest part

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