Maria Bamford Tried to File a Restraining Order Against Trump

-How are you?
-Very good. Very good. Exciting.
-It’s so nice to have you back. -Thank you for having me. -Your new special is called
“Weakness is the Brand.” -Yes.
-And one thing you did recently is that I want to ask you about
is you tried to file a restraining order
against the president? President of the United States.
-Yeah. -Many times in comedian’s acts they’ll suggest legitimate
domestic and foreign policy that is not taken seriously. -Yeah.
-And I thought to myself, “Yeah, we have an unregistered sex
offender in the White House.” -Yeah. -And I don’t feel safe. So, yeah, why not — Went down
to my local courthouse. Saw a judge within a half hour.
He denied me. Ultimately, a useless gesture that didn’t further
the conversation in any way and wasted the time
of caring professionals. -Wow.
[ Laughter ] But you weren’t
asking for a lot. You were just asking
for like 1,000 — -Yeah, 1,000 feet.
-Yeah. -Yeah, that’s all I want.
-Yeah, that’s not crazy. -I don’t want him
to go near 91001. [ Laughter ] -You — Do you consider yourself someone who’s
politically articulate? -I have lived with
a 20-year-old pug named Betty. And — So, she was
blind and deaf. And if we left her
for any amount of time, she would —
we’d find her at home wedged between the stove
and the kitchen cabinet covered in her own fecal matter
crying — [ Whimpering ] That’s it. That’s where I’m at,
politically. [ Laughter ] Desperate for leadership.
-Yeah, that’s right. -And I know
I wouldn’t turn down a biscuit. -You wouldn’t
turn down a biscuit. -No, no, no.
-No, of course not. You do something
that’s fascinating to me, and it actually works for you. You will find people on Twitter. -Yes.
-And ask them to meet you so that you can
try your comedy on them. -Yes. Yes.
-Okay. And you’ll just basically —
And you’ll do this, like, across the country
when you’re on the road. -Yes, yes.
-And how does it go? -It’s goes great,
’cause turns out, a lot of people are either
self-employed or underemployed. And they’ve got time
to meet me at a Dunkin’ Donuts. And I buy them a cold brew,
whatever. Sky’s the limit on that menu. -Yeah.
-And — [ Laughter ] And we meet,
and, yeah, I tell them jokes. And it’s — Los Angeles,
the audiences are very small. -Yeah.
-So, it’s not unlike a show in L.A. at 11:00 p.m.
at the Comedy Store sometimes to just get one person, who’s
paying attention? Oh, my God. Unreal.
-Do you read it off paper, or is it very performy?
-No, very performy. Performed quietly, you know, to
not — I don’t want to create a
spectacle. -Right, sure.
-Or do I? [ Laughter ] Is everybody looking? Is everybody looking?
[ Laughter ] So sorry.
-Do you get — And you feel like you get
good feedback from people? -Yes!
-And they genuinely laugh? -Yeah, but it’s definitely
a product of the Internet. People are fans.
So they’re already enjoying. And many of my fans have
experiences with social anxiety. So everyone’s everyone
very shy and pleasant. -Do they bring people?
Do they ever bring a buddy? -Yeah, a few times somebody
has brought someone else, as a witness. -Yeah.
-Just in case I — I went off.
-Yeah, sure. Might as well. You did a fascinating special where you did your special
with an audience of two people, which was your parents.
-My parents. -Yeah. How did that come about? -Well, sloth. Laziness.
-Yeah. -I didn’t — I wasn’t feeling
very well at the time. And so I thought, “What’s the easiest thing
I can do in my own home? Pay my parents
600 bucks apiece.” I didn’t want to 1099 them. Am I right?
-Yeah, yeah, yeah. [ Laughter ] Nobody wants that.
-No more paperwork. And yeah, so,
and they’re very supportive. -That’s wonderful.
-So, yeah. -Do — I want to talk
about your other show. You have your special and your
show, “What’s Your Ailment?” -Yes.
-Talk about how that started. -Just interviewing people,
mostly celebrities or comedians, about mental health issues, so that people are more
interested in talking about it, ’cause it’s not — It’s less
of stigma I think than it was, but it’s still — There’s no good healthcare
in this country, as far as I’ve
been able to tell. If anybody knows somebody,
just let me know. I recently — I hope this isn’t a sponsor
for your show. I signed up with them, paying
a therapist 200 bucks a month. She just texted me, “Christine,
of course you’re stressed. You just had a baby.” [ Laughter ] -Your name’s not Christine. -No, it certainly isn’t. But think about her. Think about —
And it was helpful. It was actually fairly helpful. -Do you — Have you ever gone
sort of out of the norm for health advice
over the years? -Uh, sure. I live in L.A.,
so there’s always a suggestion of, “Oh, somebody can blast you
with energy on Wednesdays over the phone”
-Yeah. -Yeah, no, I’ve paid 300 bucks
for things that did nothing. -For energy blasting.
-Yeah, for energy blasting. My dad, I told him about that. He’s like, “I’ll blast you. I’ll blast you for free.”
[ Laughter ] Thanks, Dad. [ Laughter ] -You also, you know,
I think, a lot of times, we talk about the — the quest
for excellence, I think, especially, you know,
I think people would claim there’s this, you know, sort of
American superiority. And that’s
what made this country — People aim for the skies. You have a — You sort of think
that mediocrity is overlooked. -Yeah. Why does everything
have to be so good? -Yeah.
-You know, Beyoncé, Einstein, the Muppets, Japan. I adore a two-star experience. [ Laughter ] There’s a deli
down the street from our house. I believe it is called the Super
Crap [Bleep] Ass Liquor Store. [ Laughter ] Diet Coke is hot. Milk sour. You open up a Snickers,
it blooms. They are always unfriendly. They’re only sometimes open. It is that kind
of integrity over time that deserves celebration.
[ Laughter ] -That’s so nice of you.
-Yes. -To give a shout-out
to the mediocre. -Oh, it’s so good. -Yeah, you know, maybe mediocre
people are watching tonight, not that I think you are,
but thank your for your service. Thank you for everything you do.
-No, I appreciate that. Everybody sometimes
half-asses it at work some days. I had surgery recently where the doctor forgot
to sew something up. -Oh, wow.
-Oh, whoops. [ Laughter ] And, you know,
I get it, you know? Don’t have me on a, like,
argumentative panel show where — ‘Cause sometimes —
I was on a show in Australia, where it was a full hour. I did not say anything
for the full hour, ’cause I’m shy. I didn’t want
to interrupt anybody. -Yeah, it was very hard to be
on one of those panel shows. Well, it’s very nice
that we’ve this time together. -No, no, ’cause it’s just you.
So, it’s okay. -Yeah, I’ve enjoyed having you,
as well. Thank you so much
for being back, Maria. Maria Bamford, everybody.

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